Citizens of Upright Moral Character
Loving and Kind


Thu Feb 09, 2006

J Lo's Ass

By Cenk Uygur

I am exhausted of writing about annoying shit that the Bush administration is doing. People must think Iím such an angry dude from what I write. Nothing could be further from the truth. I canít wait to get these bastards out of town so I can write about happy, sunny shit again.

Did you know that there was another hot 37 year old woman in Tennessee (she was a former model) who had sex with a 16 year old boy? Thatís awesome. Of course, they gave her jail time for that, which is unconscionable. Thatís almost as bad as when Bush accidentally invaded Iraq.

Itís a crime these days to make a young boyís dreams come true but not a crime to ignore federal laws against warrantless eavesdropping. Go figure. Iím just happy that the kid got laid before they locked the lady up.

Alright, now having said all that, did you see the $500 billion the Bush administration hid in the budget? Well, actually itís not in the budget. Itís all the expenses they left out. They excluded half a trillion dollars from the budget over the next five years Ė and they thought we wouldnít notice. Who knows, maybe theyíre right and most people wonít notice.

There's an old saying in Tennessee, I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee ... you can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you canít fool all of the people all of the time. Mainly, the Chinese. What I mean by that is the Chinese have already decided that they are going to diversify away from their immense dollar holdings.

That might sound like economic gobbledygook, but it has enormous ramifications. The Chinese are one of our top lenders. If they start shying away from the dollar, it will make it easier for them to raise the interest rates on our loans (to make a complicated story simple). And that starts our unfortunate, long run downwards on the economy.

When people start losing their jobs and not being able to afford the things theyíre used to, their patience for random Middle Eastern invasions, illegal wiretaps, reckless budgets, and endless corruption is going to wear out real quick.

Senator Chuck Grassley (R-IA) and Representative Bill Thomas (R-CA) snuck a provision into a recent bill that took $22 billion out of American taxpayersí pockets and put it into the pockets of HMOs. Thatís a cute trick you can get away with when you control all the branches of government and no one on television challenges you. But it becomes entirely uncute when the economy goes south and the American taxpayer gets a load of what youíve been up to.

I canít believe these guys used to call themselves fiscal conservatives. They donít really have the nerve to trot that line out anymore. What I canít understand is why average, everyday Republican voters like getting their money stolen. Whatís conservative about a run-away budget disaster where we pile up record deficits with absolutely no plan to pay for them (and thatís not even including the half a trillion dollars they hid from the budget)?

Whatís conservative about allowing your Republican representatives take high class vacations and have their wives get paid tens of thousands of dollars for nothing and ride off on limos and yachts (literally), while you get stuck with the bill?

Man, when the average taxpayer understands what these Republicans did to them in the middle of the night, when the after-effects of the political roofies wear off, they are going to one pissed set of monkeys.

Of course, the only question is Ė when. When will people on television finally start telling the truth so we can get rid of these clowns and I can go back to having fun and talking about J. Loís ass?

Moral Citizen: Slothrop on Feb 09, 06 | 6:51 am | Profile

Category: appropriated material
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